Every year, usually in mid to late February, I have a green attack. This annual malaise sends me out into the cold and snow in search of a warm oasis of green growing things. It’s all about finding a sign, any sign, of spring. I’m on a mission, in search of something that is really green. I know that it is early so I trek to the local greenhouse. It turns out that I am not alone. There are a lot of us there, looking at daffodils and smelling the forced hyacinth bulbs. We wander along the aisles of the greenhouse commenting on the fact that we are tired of the cold. We want the snow to melt so that we can see the first green shoots of spring. We compare notes on the first pussy willow buds and wonder how soon we can force forsythia.

On this year’s pilgrimage I met a small group standing in front of a collection of soft furry green balls that looked like a cross between moss and grass. Later in the season none of us would have even noticed them, but now they looked just heavenly. One woman picked up a ball and buried her nose in it. Her friend looked startled and noted, “It can’t have a smell, can it? It’s just green.” “That’s just the point” her colleague noted, “It’s green, and it’s alive.” Following her lead, I had buried my nose in one as well. Yes, it was alive, and very, very green. It had that wonderful wet mossy smell that reminded me of little woodsy areas beside a small stream.

We all stood there without saying much, each with a small furry plant in hand. It was one of those moments of perfect wordless understanding. We were all there for the same reason, getting a much-needed head start on spring. Actually, it was more a reminder. Spring is going to come this year, just like it always does. We don’t have to hurry it along. It will come in its own way and time. But until it gets here I have a nameless soft furry ball on my coffee table. Every time I walk by it I smile, and sometimes when the green attack gets too bad I just pick it up and bury my nose in anticipation of spring.

I’m always amazed at the outpouring of feeling and empathy that occurs when there is a tragic event. These human stories seem to bring out our compassion and we respond in some very touching ways. We lay flowers at a site and contribute generously to the needs of the affected. At the same time I am aware that we have equally powerful feelings about our beliefs and ideologies, be they religious or political. When our powerful feelings are attached to abstract belief systems we sometimes move away from a compassionate response to suffering, particularly when that suffering is being experienced by those holding ideologies different from our own. Why does this happen? Why does our compassionate response get lost so easily in the face of powerful beliefs?

Could it be possible that it has something to do with the way our brain works? Perhaps we cannot do two things at once, particularly if it involves being simultaneously in the realm of the personal and the abstract. When we respond to a tragedy our response tends to be empathic. We identify with the pain and loss of another. It strikes a personal note, and our response can be both generous and heroic. Beliefs and ideals are more abstract, but they too inspire devotion and action. However they also have the capacity to limit our empathy, particularly when we view those who hold differing views as ‘them.’ They are then viewed as being different from ‘us.’

This dilemma seems to be playing out on the political scene right now as the two parties square off around the economy. Our devotion to differing ideologies seems to rob us of the ability to see suffering and individual need. As greater passion is attached to our beliefs, our empathic capacity to experience suffering in others diminishes. Perhaps we really can’t have it both ways and need to learn that we must at times switch functions so that the passion we hold for our beliefs does not replace our response to human suffering. The capacity to function in both ways is both needed and necessary. We also must prioritize, recognizing that our response to our shared humanity is ultimately more important than the specific ideologies that separate us.

Do any of us really believe that something good can come from the bad? Most of us would like to, but we need evidence that it is possible. Recently, there has been an event that just might give us some. It is the apology that Elwin Wilson made to John Lewis.

In 1961 the two were young men, one black and one white, who came face to face in South Carolina. Wilson, along with a group of white racists and KKK members attacked Lewis and other civil rights protesters who had come to South Carolina trying to change the laws of the time. Wilson was hurt in the attack, but never pressed charges. It is now 48 years later and the times have changed. We have our first black president, John Lewis is an influential member of Congress, and Elwin Wilson has felt remorse for all these years. Upon learning the identity of the man that he had injured, Wilson did an extraordinary thing. He reached out to apologize, and he did it in public.

I saw the televised interaction between the two when the apology was made. It was quite extraordinary—the healing of an old wound from the civil rights era. The grace with which Lewis accepted the apology was moving and heartwarming. He noted that no one else had ever come forward, and he also acknowledged that they share common spiritual values. The relief that Wilson felt was obvious as he realized that his offering had been accepted. What inspired me from this moment was the realization that it is never too late to right a wrong, to heal an old wound, and to accept the possibility of redemption. A simple apology can have a far-reaching effect, for it has the capacity to heal us all. It is a reminder that the good can indeed come from the bad when someone has the courage to stand up and take the first step.

Led by Dr. Jeanne Weikert, Founder of New Life Institute, the workshop is held from 8:30-3:30 on Saturday, March 7. In this exciting workshop called How Much Is Enough: Our relationship to money and the feeling of abundance, Dr. Weikert and the New Life Institute staff will help you;

• Achieve the feeling of abundance, where there is “more than
enough,”
• Explore the origins of your beliefs about wealth,
• Understand the role of “fear of scarcity,”
• Explore the connection between your financial goals and what is
most meaningful to you.

Why Should I Attend?

At the New Life Institute, we understand that many of us would like a more satisfying life. We have carefully designed workshops that will help you to become happier, more effective and more fulfilled.

These workshops are ideally suited for –

• Anyone seeking new possibilities for themselves
• People who are in transition, such as changing careers or retiring
• Those who are feeling a bit “stuck” or overwhelmed
• Anyone who wants to be more effective or happier

Location

The workshop will be held at the Rothman Institute at Fairleigh Dickinson University, Madison, New Jersey

How to Register

Workshop fee is $295. Lunch and workshop materials are included. Bring a friend and your friend comes for FREE.

Please call 212-202-3259 to register. Seating is limited so please make your reservations soon. A map will be mailed or emailed to you upon registration. Make checks payable to “Journey Ahead LLC” and mail to New Life Institute, 1133 Lexington Ridge Drive, Lexington, MA 02421.

The super bowl game last night was spectacular—as was the half time show. I tuned in with most of the country, including a large family audience. This means young viewers. The super bowl has become a national treasure. We look forward to it every year. In addition to the game, many of us look forward to the ads. I’ve always loved them.

This year one of the ads is causing a lot of furor from those who had children watching the game. It’s the GoDaddy ad. Somehow it crossed a line of what is appropriate for young viewers. It raises the question of responsibility. Should young viewers in prime time be subjected to advertisement that is clearly intended for adults? Is this sending a good message to a young audience that loves sports and tends to idealize sports heroes and events? I think that the answer in this case is no. If a sports event reaches a large audience of all ages, then the advertisers need to be responsible to that audience. This morning the internet furor concerning this issue speaks to how many people felt blindsided by the ad. Perhaps even more importantly, parents did not have time to deal with it, for the ads happen so quickly.

What can those who design advertisement learn from this? I think the answer is that they are responsible for more than ratings and shock value in such a public event. They need to accept responsibility for the message that they send to youth, and in this case it was not a good one. GoDaddy, I think you made a big mistake!!!

We are less than two weeks into a new political era. When the change took place it was fast and it was complete. Everything changed, and yet at some level nothing changed at all. The players are different, but the game remains the same. When you stop to consider this, it is a reminder of one of the great facts of living. Life is a moveable feast. Everything changes and yet remains the same. Successful living comes as the result of our ability to manage the way we move between the twin poles of constancy and change.

I remember how surprised I was when I first discovered that all the cells in our bodies are completely replaced over a period of seven years. Talk about change!! Reflecting on that fact brought me face to face with one of the great paradoxes in living. Things change, but at another level they remain the same. The sense that I have of the ‘me’ that travels through time seems quite constant. I may be changing at a cellular level, but my sense of the self taking the trip remains much the same. Being simultaneously rooted in these two apparent opposites is necessary for the full experience of living.

Most of us don’t like change very much. We cling to traditions, places, and experiences that remind us of past stability. If it is familiar and worked before, it probably will work again. It is worth repeating because it is constant and feels trustworthy. We also realize that life is a moveable feast. Time is always moving on. We work, retire, and experience our bodies growing older. Children mature and start their own families. We learn to recognize that our ability to live successfully comes from the way we manage living with constancy and change. Yet we do not embrace change easily. It feels safer to repeat the known than to move forward into the unknown. We can even wait until circumstances drive us kicking and screaming into the future. In such a scenario change has become the enemy. But change is not an enemy; it is a simple fact of life. Our task is to embrace both ends of the continuum in order to live successfully with both constancy and change.